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September 19, 2012
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Staring at the mirror
Finding new and sad things
The border so bright and pretty
You'd think they'd stop polishing
After the cold war

Painting my face for the job
The colours so dark with sparkles
Fix my hair and look decent
Suck in my tummy with some tape
Hurts on a hot day

Reflection staring back
Try and fit in with the standards
Of the twenty-first century
Where's your lips grow longer legs
Skinner waist less shape please
You're embarrassing us all

You'd think they'd stop polishing
The border, clean the mirror
Once in a while maybe
The face I see isn't mine
I can only find an image
I can never be

I'll break those gold frames
The pretty border can go
If only I had the weapon
To destroy the idea I cannot face
I don't want to die alone
:iconclautchy:
i kinda wrote this in a blur last night. i don't know. i'm kind of adapting it into a song, and i have a lot of inspiration from amanda palmer's new album 'theatre is evil'.

what i'm basically getting at, is the social conditioning of the media to conform. it's not necessarily about body image, but everything. being told what to do and who to be and how to act and what is acceptable and who is bad and people are falling apart because no one can meet these expectations and be everything the media wants them to be.

whatever this is (c) me
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:iconakibara13:
Thank you for your submission to #ZealZone. I really like this piece. You did very nicely with both the emotion of it and with the presentation. I definitely think it would make a great song, put the right music. :D The only suggestion that I have is you might want to put a comma in this line: 'Where's your lips grow longer legs'. I know you don't have any punctuation anywhere else outside of the apostrophes but this line kind of needs it or maybe separated into two lines. Ran together like this I had to read it several times to understand what the heck it meant. With out some sort of separator it makes the reader stumble and loose a little momentum in the pace of the piece. Other than that it's a very nice piece. Nice job! :D
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:iconclautchy:
~clautchy Sep 28, 2012  Student Writer
thank you for the criticism
I didn't include the comma because in my head, I was thinking it as the sentence running together like the media cramming bullshit into someone's brain and it's too overwhelming, but I can understand why it can become problematic.
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:iconakibara13:
That makes sense, it just make it a little hard to understand at first....but I suppose that's an appropriate sort of response for that now that you put it like that.
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:icontnbc-fan:
~TNBC-Fan Sep 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
hnnnngggghhh this is really good ;A;
and so damn true! Great job Clautchy <3
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:iconclautchy:
~clautchy Sep 19, 2012  Student Writer
thank you <3 it's been a while since i've written poetry and i want to actually start getting back into it, and this is my start into it
i kinda suck at structure though heh
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:icontnbc-fan:
~TNBC-Fan Sep 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
well youŽll get better at structure if you keep writing obviously!
Curious for more then :3
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:iconclautchy:
~clautchy Sep 19, 2012  Student Writer
haha exactly! see, i have holidays in two days and there will be much productivity from me.
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:icontnbc-fan:
~TNBC-Fan Sep 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh my god yay! :3
Does that mean we can talk more then too?
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:iconclautchy:
~clautchy Sep 19, 2012  Student Writer
yes we can! well, when i'm home and stuff. but yes.
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:icontnbc-fan:
~TNBC-Fan Sep 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
hahaha great!
Now lunch, yum.
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